Автор: Users agreed one a primary intent behind lobola should be to create a more powerful dating ranging from a couple of and their particular group. Eliza, a great 55-year-dated woman into the a proper ilies to one another so that they will be have a very good relationships and i is always to inhabit brand new family that my children know.” Eliza’s statements including suggest brand new official recognition out of a love you to definitely lobola will bring. This type of changes can increase the security that ladies be while the informed me of the Khana, who has been living with her partner (no lobola) for nearly a decade:
Without having any official recognition of one’s connection and the matchmaking anywhere between the two family supruga Poljski you to lobola will bring, women are tend to remaining in a state from liminality and you will uncertainty since described by the Priscilla, good thirty six-year-old woman who has been coping with their particular companion (no lobola) to own 18 many years:
If the he or she is most in love, he will be shell out lobola so as that both parents can become came across and you can women may feel satisfied they are really staying in their own personal household. However if my personal guy did not spend lobola, it indicates that we am maybe not complete and [in-laws] hate myself. In the event that he reduced lobola, I am free [getting positive about my personal status in his family relations], and there is no place I’m able to wade [exit the wedding], and my personal parents are happy regarding me.
Regardless if Khana’s quote stresses the methods that lobola provides families to one another in support of the happy couple, it features just how familial resource throughout the relationship normally restriction a female’s capability to end a marriage. Nonetheless, lobola is intended to be certain that liability and you will obligation of your own family members (particularly the husband’s) into the wellbeing of your few and their youngsters. Indeed, the fresh new signing up for regarding family members to support a couple of from inside the a period of challenge set authoritative ukelo, good twenty seven-year-old lady that has been matchmaking their particular boyfriend for a year, described:
I treasured him much and i wished him in order to wed myself
In the event it can take place your couple possess argument, it is not easy toward wife’s mothers ahead inside the and you may resolve the problem. They can say, “Why are your adhering to him at the same time their partner did not pay lobola?” They may be able declare that they won’t manage to service her. In the event that lobola has been paid down, they will certainly give the happy couple to talk about and solve the difficulty. Either when she will head to her mothers to statement it [the challenge], they could send her back to communicate with their unique spouse. If there’s zero lobola, household won’t gather and solve the challenge. The new lobola will likely be repaid so that the household shall be joined.
There are not any good things [on life to each other instead lobola] but it’s just being patient. Because sometimes happens that you find bad that he don’t shell out lobola, or he can changes his mind [in the staying in the connection]. You can stick with your at the same time he has his very own preparations. Your mother and father did not get any penny. Possibly you might remain here at home and after that you score reports that the husband gets partnered on Jozi (Johannesburg), who knows! I’m usually thinking about so it.
not, aspirational ideas on what relationship brings commonly commonly found actually, as the indicated of the Hlekani, good 23-year-dated woman who has got not ever been formally married however, resided that have a previous companion (zero lobola), just who mirrored on the early in the day enjoy inside her partner’s house:
At that time I became a bona-fide makoti. I woke upwards am and [established a] flame whilst some were still sleep. We waiting break fast for everyone. On the reverse side, you are pregnant along with to cook, at the same time the sun’s rays try very hot [There is certainly laughter]. He had been going out with their relatives as the daylight and when your browse the time, you see it is in the evening nevertheless they are maybe not household. By then you’re planning on your while will never be capable bed. In addition, you ponder issues, instance, is actually the guy secure? At the same time I became therefore troubled…. But up coming, I ily]. I don’t should go to other’s home is mistreated. Personally i think free only at domestic since the I actually do anything in respect on my tend to.
